The Hours

it's the hour after four and i'm alone again.

because i wanted to be wanted, because i wanted to be warned.

it's the hour after four and you're there again, because you alone were haunted, because you alone were scorned.

it's the hour after four and i cry again, because i can only see a maybe, i can only seem a ghost.

it's the hour after four and i smile again, to those among us only and only you might ask.

it's the hour after four and i wonder still, why you want the lies of others, that you will love unless.

it's the hour after four and i ask again, why you had a question, why your doubts would still insist.

it's the hour after four and i yell again,, because you will not seek a truth, because my hope can fall once more.

it's the hour after four and it seems to never pass, the dawn before the dawns, the thunder before the calm.

it's the hour after four and i ask again, because there was no sky above me, because there were no clouds below.

it's the hour after four and your decision still astounds, as i cannot dream again and i look to you once more.

it's the hour after four, and i wait for you to wake and i wait for nothing still.
it's the hour after four and i wish for only heartache and i wish for nothing more.
it's the hour after four and there is not a triumph, and there is not a grief.
it's the hour after four and know----you do not have to die, to succumb and die alone.

it's the hour after four and i dim my eyes,
as i wanted to be wanted, as i wanted to be known,

it's the hour after four and i.
it's the hour after four.

and it's almost morning, in the hour after four

listen, enough, listen only

Listen to your heartbreak

as I listen to your lies.

Smile though the world can see you,

frown because they do.

The worst thing I ever did saved me
..from the worst thing I ever was.

And if and only if you could see...  the best.

I only scream because I'd rather not sleep.

My thoughts alone, a dream withheld, all of which.  enough. 

So listen only perhaps and listen if you might.

enough. and hear.

Our own fractured jealousies.

Without our own halts of memories.

show me only if you can even speak your own mind.

Yet what mind it is you speak from.

I beg you to accept how crazy I am.

but.., ...

my darling,

I can only surmise.

nothing more

i'd like nothing more than to tell you why i'm scared of the dark

i'd like nothing more

i'd like nothing more than to tell you why i smile while i cry

i'd like nothing more

i'd like nothing more to tell you why it hurts to see you frown

i'd like nothing more

i'd like nothing more than to tell you why i love you so much, why i hate it that you don't

i'd like nothing more.

nothing more, baby, nothing less. to tell you i care.

i'd like nothing more to tell you why i'm scared of the dark.

The apartment

"There's a good airflow"

The apartment listing headed.

Barb and Peter looked at the apartment.

 "Look at the industrial pipes- we love that." 

The realtor nodded and made notes.
"Remember the guy in the white suit?" said Barb. 

Peter winked. "this looks like his place.  Whatever happened to him? That crazy dog?" 

"That crazy wife!" interjected Barb.

Their laughs echoed in the soulless chamber. 

 On the market for only an hour, the place had had several visitors.  Most left with an apology and a quick hand shake. 

 Barb looked at her phone "Ah it's already 5", she said. 

Peter said "when are we supposed to be there?". 

Barb eyed the realtor, who was pacing the room with anxious intent.

 "5.30, but rules can be broken." 

 "I can't believe this place was put on the market", said Peter. 

"Rules can be broken"said Barb.  

The realtor pace again and opened a closet. 

There hung a white suit.  

"Look at her, " "Peter stated. 

"She wrote down what we said".  

Barb sighed. "Rules can be broken."

Standing

I stood and looked at the dour crowds, their smiles fake.

I stood and looked at the grins of liars, their laughter strained.

I stood and looked at secrets not kept, an audience disguised.

I stood and looked at faded reflections, of a beauty once beheld.

I stood and looked at guided tears, at clouded minds.

I stood and looked, I looked at me. And wondered.

That night

I lifted my head and meant it.

Your eyes lowered and you looked to the wall.  “What happened there?” you asked.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” I replied.  “It’s not important”.

“So it had to do with him,” you said. “So it was him.”

“Would you stop with that?” I pled.  “Stop”.  

So many yells, I remember, as I was in San Fran, walking down to the wedding and you screamed aloud, and I cried louder..“What did you want of me and what could you ask of me?” I sobbed. “I failed at both.  I failed at it all”.

I sat and cried as you yelled still.  Until you became still.  I laid down.The drawer of knives was empty that night, as you looked for one,I hid them all. I had hid them first

The Edge

He was standing on the edge. I waited. What else was I to do?  

What else?

I waited still as he looked around, then looked at me.  "It’s not so far down:” he said.  "It’s not so far"

It’s far enough, I thought. 

I stood, I waited.  They arrived, and as he looked at them he spoke only a word:
"until” he said.  

“Until”?  I wondered, as it spoke volumes in my mind.  What game shall we play now? 

 I spoke only a word to him, "now". “Now,” I said.  

He looked at the others who coaxed him towards.  “Now,” I pled.  

He sat as I shred that last piece of being, I went, I stood and I leapt.  “Now,” I said, as I fell.  

“Until when?” he shouted, as I went. Now.