My economy...

So my boss got fired today.

I come back from lunch and he had his things in the lobby and so I ask “oh a half day for you, huh?”. And he replies “no, they just fired me”. … Awkward. Then I do my whole stupid “ok you take care now!” speech….

What the hell? Ok I work for a non-profit. Turn-over in staffing is bad enough. People are going wherever the higher salary is because in non-profits there’s no such thing as raises, bonuses, cost of living increases or unions. But you don’t want to be firing a head of a department. You don’t want to be firing anyone in my department. You don’t want to be firing the head of MY department which makes ME in charge!

Ok so really, you don’t want me in charge. I’m great at my job. Nix that --I’m good at my job. Revision- I’m adequate and I do my job. (whatever the hell that means) But I am not the beacon of responsibility. My idea of delegating is saying “ Sarah is going to the bar, you deal with this”. My idea of management is saying “I think Sarah should go to the bar and someone else should deal with this”. My idea of teamwork is “drinks on me! (oh wait, I’m broke, I meant you).” My idea of camaraderie in the workplace is “what’s your name again? I think you’re fun…. I love you guys”……

Hell, I’m good/competent at my job but I can barely manage my own life half the time. I lose my keys at least 5 times a week, and always within my own purse. I lose my Metrocard at least once a week. Within my own apartment. I lose my phone at least once a day.. within my own pocket. This is not to say I’m irresponsible, it’s to just showcase how the day-to-day financial workings of an important nonprofit institution should not be put upon my shoulders. Considering my shoulders are most likely slumped over a bar. “Oh cool I found my keys!!’ they’re on the floor….. and so am I.

Anyway, I questioned why my boss (who was very cool) got fired. I got several responses:

1-“ it just wasn’t the right fit for him”. (um he’s been there for 2 years, you think you would have figured that out already…)

2- “we decided to reconfigure the department.” (what department.,,,,, we have a department”? last time I checked whenever anything regarding copiers, tape, computers, feet etc was an issue, it got sent to my friggin office….. and now we’re called the finance department”? and get your feet away from me.)

3- “we’re downsizing” (which brings me to the whole ‘ohshit Sarah is in charge now’…… I embrace this task fully. As I update my resume……)

4- “we’ve hired two new people”. (wait, what? Two new people? To do what? To replace one position? ….. and this then leads me to my next panic attack-----

Shit. I’m next . right?......

Even if I’m not next I’ve got a couple of issues already.

1- now I’ve got to deal with Miss Priss. (who’s actually a dude) Great. His idea of making a decision is saying “I’ll get back to you on that right away” and then two months later yells at you because you didn’t do anything with the decision he didn’t make. Nice Miss Priss and stop wearing skin tight green jeans on Fridays…. You make me fear and hate leprechauns.. oh wait I did already.. You make me fear and hate anything green. Now trees, leaves, broccoli, limes, and the green flavored Sour Patch Kids give me nightmares.

2- May I ask why, oh, why, on a Friday evening , at 5pm, the Executive Director was in my (ex)boss’s office, shredding documents????? I mean I feel like I’m in that new Wall Street movie with Gordon Geico the Gekko or whatever the hell his name is. (who I’m also afraid of because of the aforementioned green problem) Since we have some new Shangri-La taking over the position, shouldn’t she figure out what needs to be thrown out?

This is a very interesting situation, I gotta say. I mean I shred several things a day in the finance department. But that’s just when I print out stuff to make it look like I’m busy. Then I act annoyed, shred stuff and pretend to file things…. It all distracts from the fact that I’m watching Dancing With the Stars at my desk….. But the Executive Director shredding? Why’d this guy get fired? There is really, I assure you, no way of siphoning funds from a government source to your own bank account when you work for a non-profit. If there were, I would’ve found it already. Trust me. Ma, you already agreed. Dad, don’t read this.

I’m sad. I liked my boss. He tolerated my inane chatter and didn’t mind when I ignored when made fun of me for being a Republican. He never noticed that I stole his rice pudding from the fridge and I conveniently replaced it with sub-par tapioca. Which I now have to eat since he’s gone and if it rots in the fridge my pain-in-the-ass Russian coworker will complain about the “shmell”.

It’s just a weird situation to come back from work and find your boss in the lobby saying goodbye. And I doubt this is the end of it … I say stand by. I really find it interesting that a non-profit would be testing the waters during this time in the economy. Luckily I have a one-up on them so they can’t really fire me right now… (don’t ask) but also ,yes I do my job and I like my job. But all of a sudden when people thought things were getting better—you never know! Even my bartender agrees…. Tips are way down.

Drinks on you.