That night

I lifted my head and meant it.

Your eyes lowered and you looked to the wall.  “What happened there?” you asked.

“Don’t want to talk about it,” I replied.  “It’s not important”.

“So it had to do with him,” you said. “So it was him.”

“Would you stop with that?” I pled.  “Stop”.  

So many yells, I remember, as I was in San Fran, walking down to the wedding and you screamed aloud, and I cried louder..“What did you want of me and what could you ask of me?” I sobbed. “I failed at both.  I failed at it all”.

I sat and cried as you yelled still.  Until you became still.  I laid down.The drawer of knives was empty that night, as you looked for one,I hid them all. I had hid them first

The Edge

He was standing on the edge. I waited. What else was I to do?  

What else?

I waited still as he looked around, then looked at me.  "It’s not so far down:” he said.  "It’s not so far"

It’s far enough, I thought. 

I stood, I waited.  They arrived, and as he looked at them he spoke only a word:
"until” he said.  

“Until”?  I wondered, as it spoke volumes in my mind.  What game shall we play now? 

 I spoke only a word to him, "now". “Now,” I said.  

He looked at the others who coaxed him towards.  “Now,” I pled.  

He sat as I shred that last piece of being, I went, I stood and I leapt.  “Now,” I said, as I fell.  

“Until when?” he shouted, as I went. Now.

What a cigarette

As we looked at the gal with the contraption, “it's nouveau” she replied.  

So what if she were smoking and so what if we cared?  

I sat silently waiting for what was to begin.  "Maybe they’re late" the gentleman said to my left.  “No," the smoker said, "we are".  

So what? I thought,. We are still here.  

They came and asked one question "how you would feel if you were you caught in the rain” I answered immediately, that I would cheat and go indoors.  

I was answering wrong, because the question the wrong, the question was for them, not for me, and I was wrong.

We’re on our own

We only could think of an outcome - which should be the best?  We wondered?

“Let’s start the noise”, I said.   

And it began, slowly at first, and then it escalated.  

Over and over the noise began.  To which we had no point, to which we had no purpose. 

 But only our own boredom and imagination.  

“Shall I continue?” I asked my friend.  He hesitated, then replied, “What would be the point, other than to disturb the others? 

 “Exactly that,” I responded. So he joined, and the wall fell, as we had hoped, and we ran.  We ran.

The Shooting

And then the shooting started.

I only turned back briefly as I dashed ahead.

Those who fell stayed, those who cared stayed as well.  

I saw the airstrip before me, beyond the bridge.  An ominous beckoning of home and hope yet demise yet desire.

If you make it here you’ll make it anywhere they promised on that bill board..  What liars I thought.  

“What liars!” I screamed aloud.

A man turned and grabbed my arm.  “They said it to you too, huh?”I did not now this man, nor cared to do so.  

The shots continued and I watched him as he fell. Throughout this journey, I admit it was only supposed to be a fantasy.  A cheap, onetime thrill.  But as many things do, it got the better of me.  

I forged ahead, approaching the bridge.  So what if I don’t make? I thought.  At least I made it here.  

The shooting slowed.  The shooting neared.  And I wanted for nothing.