*April 6, 2009*
And when you shake me awake, we wonder who the other one is
And where shall I take you?
I can deal with what I know much better than what I don’t
And I won’t deny what I feel because of fear
And yet I will deal with it..
And yet I must deal with it…
And yet I must question it
We can take that ride
And we can take that chance
And yet… where shall I take you?
And later, you might look at me
And perhaps you might smile… as a bohemian, as a realist
And later I might miss you
I think I might remember your smile..
And I think you might remember mine.. Could you?
I remember the remembrances and the gatherings and the gazes
But I remember a smile and a gaze and I remember a smile and a glance
I think we might think that something there
Is something we might remember
I think there is something we might remember
And here we are.
And yes, here we are and yes we are ok
And yes you are miraculous
And yes, you are.
I think I might be dreaming, and yes you are gone
So here we are..
And yes now it’s later….
And yet, here we are now
By miracle, yet, we are here now.
I know it was the chances and I know it was the coincidences
And yet you still remember… And yet I still do, too.
Should that be a sign?
Should that be an omen?
I’ve seen a lot and so have you,
I’ve seen a lot and so have you.
But suddenly, a smile.
So my darling, shall we?
Let’s take that exit
So what shall we do now? “I’ll go all the way with you, if you’ll only do the same for me”
There’s a yes and a no and a wrong and a right
At every turn
And yes, I know.
So look at it, and sigh
Look at it and choose. “you’ll be the death of me”
I don’t want to hear it, because I know.
But know, …. Know
So you will too,
Will you?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My Birthday
So I’m approaching (on April 10th) another dreaded year of double digits starting with “2”. And what a year has passed! Now every year, I tend to look back and say “phew, that was a doozy”, and this year certainly isn’t an exception. My birthdays have generally always been a happy day/weekend. Let’s run down my birthdays for the last couple of years:
2008: Went to DC! Saw my old college, hung out at my old restaurants and bars, saw the sites that I failed to see when I actually was in college. Unfortunately it was supposed to be Cherry Blossom time and that was an epic fail because none of them had bloomed right. Guess that’s something to blame on global warming.
2007: Went to New Paltz and stayed at a really nice B&B by the river, had massages and went antiquing. But that’s so silly, I don’t buy antiques. I just tend to go into the places and say “$50 for that piece of crap?” and the store owners roll there eyes and the other patrons go “oh she is SO uncivilized”. And I get kicked out and end up howling my protest on the sidewalk.
2006: My first birthday in NYC. Went to Tavern on the Green (overrated, but beautiful) and got an iPod. Oh and went to the opera (Don Giovanni!). That was a good year- the weather was perfect that day. (Note, it has never rained on my birthday and I continue to go to church twice a year to pray for that fact…)
2005: Was still in England at school and went to London for the day, had sushi and did the museums! Was my first time to London without my family and with a significant other instead and it was quite nice!
2004: Went to Citronelle, a really nice restaurant in DC where I didn’t understand what a sommelier was and apparently embarrassed my date by asking :-)
2003: Turned 21, didn’t drink a thing because I was still recovering from having my wisdom teeth taken out the week before! Was an interesting situation because apparently it wasn’t “my night” to pick the restaurant and we ended up going to an Indian place (and I despise Indian food). So ok that wasn’t the best birthday, but alright!
I don’t really recall ones before that too much… when I was 16 my Mom took me to London for my birthday and I remember it snowing on the exact day-- that was cool!
So I’ve never been into presents and big parties and silly hats and streamers or anything. My birthday blog last year actually stated all the reasons I was thankful to be here because I feel that birthdays are a day where people should be thankful that you’re here as well. For any gifts (Christmas, birthday or otherwise), I would prefer 100 minutes of time spent thinking about a perfect gift than $100 spent on one- it’s all about effort. Anyone can just pick up a cd or earrings or some stupid teddy bear or something, but when someone takes you to DC or London- now that’s nice :-) Maybe because it actually makes me feel that people listen to a word I say (if you’ve read this far, you’re probably one of them, so mazel tov) and take heed to my likes and dislikes and things I want in life.
I don’t see birthdays as a depressing thing. “Oh my god I’m so old, yipes, what have I done with my life?” I think that thought every day anyway, at least the latter part of the statement. Especially recently…
Now any of you lambs actually reading my blog probably know that Sarah was terminated/executed from her last position at Rutgers. While I don’t think any termination is completely one person or another person’ s fault, I can say with complete sincerity and lack of ignorance that I was 95% right in the situation. But whatever, it’s over and me complaining about name-for-dean-that-my-parents-don’t-think-I-know won’t get me anywhere.
It’s been stressful though. I’ve never been unemployed for more than 2 weeks since I first got a job at age 19. I often had this whole swagger about how I’d never interviewed for a job that I wasn’t later offered. But according to some of my bleeding heart liberal friends, our last president wasn’t so hot in the economic sector and now things are kind of messed up! So for a couple months now it’s been constant applying and applying, a few interviews and so on and so forth. But now it’s so weird with interviews. Before it was so easy just to be like “well you’d be wise to hire me, and it’s your loss if you don’t”. And now it’s “please sir, please?” I’m not crazy about begging… But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
So it’s not just the natural depression that arises from being unemployed and feeling unemployable. The novelty of sleeping til 10 has worn off and the idea of having a 3 day weekend 7 days of the week is starting to get a little old.
Now I’m not going to bitch and moan about things too much in this blog because a) you don’t want to hear it, b) even if you did, I don’t think it’s fitting to discuss via public posting and c) this is supposed to be a post about my lovely birthday, not a “woe is me” session. But despite personal turmoil and traumas I’ve noticed something changing about New York in the midst of the economic problems. People in New York, at least in my experience, have always been quite friendly and able and willing to help. But now it’s different. Now it’s almost an “every man for himself” situation and people are having to watch their own backs instead of other people’s. This just isn’t in the workplace where you’re terrified about losing your job and you might need to do a little non-friendly competition with a co-worker to their own detriment. It’s in every day life because people are really stressed out! I don’t see the smiles and the kindnesses that I used to see and I’m sure that in my own way I’ve not been handing them out as much either. People are stretched as far as they can go and unfortunately, some basic human decencies and courtesies have disappeared as a result.
So my family doesn’t celebrate birthdays anymore (albeit a card and a phone call, but no presents), which is fine. Because if anyone actually asked me what I want for my birthday I think, honestly, I only have one answer-- ask me how my day was. That’s all I need.
2008: Went to DC! Saw my old college, hung out at my old restaurants and bars, saw the sites that I failed to see when I actually was in college. Unfortunately it was supposed to be Cherry Blossom time and that was an epic fail because none of them had bloomed right. Guess that’s something to blame on global warming.
2007: Went to New Paltz and stayed at a really nice B&B by the river, had massages and went antiquing. But that’s so silly, I don’t buy antiques. I just tend to go into the places and say “$50 for that piece of crap?” and the store owners roll there eyes and the other patrons go “oh she is SO uncivilized”. And I get kicked out and end up howling my protest on the sidewalk.
2006: My first birthday in NYC. Went to Tavern on the Green (overrated, but beautiful) and got an iPod. Oh and went to the opera (Don Giovanni!). That was a good year- the weather was perfect that day. (Note, it has never rained on my birthday and I continue to go to church twice a year to pray for that fact…)
2005: Was still in England at school and went to London for the day, had sushi and did the museums! Was my first time to London without my family and with a significant other instead and it was quite nice!
2004: Went to Citronelle, a really nice restaurant in DC where I didn’t understand what a sommelier was and apparently embarrassed my date by asking :-)
2003: Turned 21, didn’t drink a thing because I was still recovering from having my wisdom teeth taken out the week before! Was an interesting situation because apparently it wasn’t “my night” to pick the restaurant and we ended up going to an Indian place (and I despise Indian food). So ok that wasn’t the best birthday, but alright!
I don’t really recall ones before that too much… when I was 16 my Mom took me to London for my birthday and I remember it snowing on the exact day-- that was cool!
So I’ve never been into presents and big parties and silly hats and streamers or anything. My birthday blog last year actually stated all the reasons I was thankful to be here because I feel that birthdays are a day where people should be thankful that you’re here as well. For any gifts (Christmas, birthday or otherwise), I would prefer 100 minutes of time spent thinking about a perfect gift than $100 spent on one- it’s all about effort. Anyone can just pick up a cd or earrings or some stupid teddy bear or something, but when someone takes you to DC or London- now that’s nice :-) Maybe because it actually makes me feel that people listen to a word I say (if you’ve read this far, you’re probably one of them, so mazel tov) and take heed to my likes and dislikes and things I want in life.
I don’t see birthdays as a depressing thing. “Oh my god I’m so old, yipes, what have I done with my life?” I think that thought every day anyway, at least the latter part of the statement. Especially recently…
Now any of you lambs actually reading my blog probably know that Sarah was terminated/executed from her last position at Rutgers. While I don’t think any termination is completely one person or another person’ s fault, I can say with complete sincerity and lack of ignorance that I was 95% right in the situation. But whatever, it’s over and me complaining about name-for-dean-that-my-parents-don’t-think-I-know won’t get me anywhere.
It’s been stressful though. I’ve never been unemployed for more than 2 weeks since I first got a job at age 19. I often had this whole swagger about how I’d never interviewed for a job that I wasn’t later offered. But according to some of my bleeding heart liberal friends, our last president wasn’t so hot in the economic sector and now things are kind of messed up! So for a couple months now it’s been constant applying and applying, a few interviews and so on and so forth. But now it’s so weird with interviews. Before it was so easy just to be like “well you’d be wise to hire me, and it’s your loss if you don’t”. And now it’s “please sir, please?” I’m not crazy about begging… But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
So it’s not just the natural depression that arises from being unemployed and feeling unemployable. The novelty of sleeping til 10 has worn off and the idea of having a 3 day weekend 7 days of the week is starting to get a little old.
Now I’m not going to bitch and moan about things too much in this blog because a) you don’t want to hear it, b) even if you did, I don’t think it’s fitting to discuss via public posting and c) this is supposed to be a post about my lovely birthday, not a “woe is me” session. But despite personal turmoil and traumas I’ve noticed something changing about New York in the midst of the economic problems. People in New York, at least in my experience, have always been quite friendly and able and willing to help. But now it’s different. Now it’s almost an “every man for himself” situation and people are having to watch their own backs instead of other people’s. This just isn’t in the workplace where you’re terrified about losing your job and you might need to do a little non-friendly competition with a co-worker to their own detriment. It’s in every day life because people are really stressed out! I don’t see the smiles and the kindnesses that I used to see and I’m sure that in my own way I’ve not been handing them out as much either. People are stretched as far as they can go and unfortunately, some basic human decencies and courtesies have disappeared as a result.
So my family doesn’t celebrate birthdays anymore (albeit a card and a phone call, but no presents), which is fine. Because if anyone actually asked me what I want for my birthday I think, honestly, I only have one answer-- ask me how my day was. That’s all I need.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
50 Things
1. I don’t have a TV and I don’t think I’m missing out
2. The Christmases in my head are always better than the Christmases in my life. It’s like I have a whole Home Alone/Love Actually/any other warm fuzzy movie idea in my head about what Christmas should be like. You know, everyone wearing red sweaters and showing up at the house while it’s snowing, carrying bags of gifts and there being a great big old turkey on the table and candles and laughter, etc.. And leading up to it I celebrate it like that… But it never seems to work out that way. Maybe it’s because I no longer spend Christmas with my family.
3. I can’t handle people who are OCD to the point of making me feel lazy/stupid/sloppy/worthless
4. I love LOST and sometimes wish I were on the island.
5. I miss DC and England more than I can express in words. It’s heart wrenching sometimes
6. It makes me sad that I’ve never known my parents to kiss or hug each other a lot.
7. I cannot get off the phone with a sibling/parent/significant other without saying “I love you”. And it’s not just that I want them to know. It’s just that sometimes it might be the last time you get to say it. Superstitious maybe but I never want to regret not saying it.
8. I’d rather have a single daisy in the middle of March than a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day. I hate cliché.
9. It bugs the hell out of me when I tell people that I work(ed) in non-profit agencies and AIDS clinics, helping people and they don’t seem to understand because of my political affiliation. I am a Republican but I am not a bad person, despite others saying the two go hand-in-hand.
10. I miss being really good at playing piano and wish I hadn’t given it up.
11. I consider my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Mayer as one of the pivotal people in my life. She always supported me and told me I could do anything and everything. I just thanked her 3 months ago.
12. It bugs me when people refuse to learn English. I’m fine with the whole Melting Pot theory, but when I can’t ask an employee at the supermarket where the bread is, that’s a problem.
13. I’d love to know what it’s like to not pay taxes and just see what happens
14. I know myself well enough to know that while I’d love to own a gun, I shouldn’t.
15. I have never gotten a job/scholarship/in to school/apartment/opportunity because of who I knew. I did it all myself. And I really love that about myself.
16. Whenever I am nostalgic about high school, thinking that it was such a simple time and I’d love to go back, I just look at my yearbook and realize how much I hated it.
17. I hate job interviews. Not because I’m nervous, but because I feel like I’m begging. And I hate begging. I feel dependant and pathetic and incompetent. It’s an Oliver Twist complex.
18. I think Wawa hoagies are the best things ever invented. And I’ve tried my darndest to copy the recipe and can’t seem to get it quite right.
19. When I was little, we went camping in Ockinikon (Pine Barrens) after Thanksgiving. Those are some of the happiest memories of my life.
20. When I got my first F, I blamed someone else. I shouldn’t have.
21. I finally switched to contacts in July 2007 after 18 years of wearing glasses. But only because I was sick of being made fun of or stereotyped.
22. Anytime I ever saw a therapist, they always tried to link everything to my childhood. And then they don’t seem to believe me when I tell them I had a wonderful childhood.
23. I have only been sent flowers by one person. And that was on my 27th birthday, from someone I'd only known for 4 days.
24. I would love to just pick up and move somewhere, anywhere. Montana, Holland, Egypt, etc. So many other people have seem to have done that. Why can’t I?
25. I can stand pain, heartache, disappointment and turmoil. The one feeling I hate more than anything is being out of control. That includes being lost, being unemployed, having my fate in someone else’s hands, etc. The fear that those things instill in me is unbearable sometimes.
And 25 more. Because I guess I have a lot to say
1) January 2008 was one of the best months of my life - I had a great vacation with my parents and I got into my Doctorate program. January 2009 was one of the worst months of my life.
2) Sometimes I wish I was in an Errol Flynn film, as real life, not as an actress. Swashbucklers are hot.
3) I think guys with long/longish nails are disgusting. And I think any man who gets a manicure is prissy. I don’t even get manicures.
4) I have only been told I was beautiful by one person in my entire life.
5) I am apparently the black sheep in my family, but not because of lack of effort from me. Apparently much more goes on that I know about. But I hope they all know that I care.
6) The nicest thing anyone ever said to me was that I have a huge capacity to love and when I love, I love completely and all the way. My mother said that to me and it honestly was the kindest thing I have ever heard.
7) And it’s true. When it comes to friends, family and significant others- I will aggravate and drive you crazy more than you can believe. But I will also love you more than you can imagine.
8) Screaming children are like nails on a chalkboard for me. But I can’t tell if it’s the noise or the lack of consideration/good parenting from the adults that really gets to me.
9) I growl at people on the street that try to approach me for money/fundraising efforts/petition signings, etc. Just let me friggin walk. If I cared about your cause you’d know it already. But I give you props for supporting what you believe in.
10) I remember in 11th grade computer class having someone tell me that having kids was my purpose for being and my obligation as a citizen of this planet. It was long before that incidence that I’d decided never to procreate and that was just the icing on the cake. That Octo-Mom lady makes me want to barf.
11) I think the idea of an expensive wedding is disgusting. The best wedding I ever went to was in a field with a cabin and Sam Adams. (Tanya and Lisa’s) And it was not pricey. I’ve been to weddings that cost probably 90K and had just a mediocre time. Fog machines and light shows don’t represent love to me. And who the hell needs 10 bridesmaids. I don’t even know 10 people.
12) I have chronic insomnia and frequent nightmares. Not a good combination.
13) I haven’t dated a guy under 30 since I was 18. And I won’t. Except now that I’m approaching my late 20s maybe I need to bump the number up to 40. Or 50 :) :)
14) I am absolutely terrified of flying and yet I seek out jobs and vacations that would require me to board an airplane as often as possible.
15) I won’t date a guy who plays the guitar
16) I can name 5 places that I consider to be the most beautiful places on earth- Eileen Donan castle in Scotland, Trondheim Norway, San Gimignano Italy, Box UK (yes, it’s a town called Box), and Nice France.
17) I'm starting to call New York City home. I've been here over 4 years and when I just got back from North Dakota for Christmas, I, for the first time, said "I'm home".
18) To say ignorance is bliss is such a fallacy. Look into your heart and see what's in front of your face. You can't make a mistake in realizing it and acting on it. Some people can be so goddamn dumb. It's not a failure to say you've given up, either, my precious
19) I can’t handle people who won’t let go of the past, who want you to be someone else or who won’t accept you for who you are. I think one of the basic tenants of human contact and relations is compromise and people who aren't willing or able to do that confuse me.
20) My grandmother was the most beautiful person on this earth.
21) I think I’m more religious than I let on, but I am horrifically uncomfortable in church.
22) I am so proud of my father.
23) The idea of prison terrifies me. I am addicted to watching those LockUp shows on MSNBC and cannot think of anything more horrible.
24) There are 5 apologies that I gravely need to give. I hope you know if you're connected one of them that I am sorry. And if you feel you need an apology for something, I hope you tell me because I never want to hurt someone.
25) And there is one person that I need an apology from, but I will never get it. And I don’t care.
ps and maybe there is a 26th: there is one person I need to say sorry to. Who will never hear it.
2. The Christmases in my head are always better than the Christmases in my life. It’s like I have a whole Home Alone/Love Actually/any other warm fuzzy movie idea in my head about what Christmas should be like. You know, everyone wearing red sweaters and showing up at the house while it’s snowing, carrying bags of gifts and there being a great big old turkey on the table and candles and laughter, etc.. And leading up to it I celebrate it like that… But it never seems to work out that way. Maybe it’s because I no longer spend Christmas with my family.
3. I can’t handle people who are OCD to the point of making me feel lazy/stupid/sloppy/worthless
4. I love LOST and sometimes wish I were on the island.
5. I miss DC and England more than I can express in words. It’s heart wrenching sometimes
6. It makes me sad that I’ve never known my parents to kiss or hug each other a lot.
7. I cannot get off the phone with a sibling/parent/significant other without saying “I love you”. And it’s not just that I want them to know. It’s just that sometimes it might be the last time you get to say it. Superstitious maybe but I never want to regret not saying it.
8. I’d rather have a single daisy in the middle of March than a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day. I hate cliché.
9. It bugs the hell out of me when I tell people that I work(ed) in non-profit agencies and AIDS clinics, helping people and they don’t seem to understand because of my political affiliation. I am a Republican but I am not a bad person, despite others saying the two go hand-in-hand.
10. I miss being really good at playing piano and wish I hadn’t given it up.
11. I consider my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Mayer as one of the pivotal people in my life. She always supported me and told me I could do anything and everything. I just thanked her 3 months ago.
12. It bugs me when people refuse to learn English. I’m fine with the whole Melting Pot theory, but when I can’t ask an employee at the supermarket where the bread is, that’s a problem.
13. I’d love to know what it’s like to not pay taxes and just see what happens
14. I know myself well enough to know that while I’d love to own a gun, I shouldn’t.
15. I have never gotten a job/scholarship/in to school/apartment/opportunity because of who I knew. I did it all myself. And I really love that about myself.
16. Whenever I am nostalgic about high school, thinking that it was such a simple time and I’d love to go back, I just look at my yearbook and realize how much I hated it.
17. I hate job interviews. Not because I’m nervous, but because I feel like I’m begging. And I hate begging. I feel dependant and pathetic and incompetent. It’s an Oliver Twist complex.
18. I think Wawa hoagies are the best things ever invented. And I’ve tried my darndest to copy the recipe and can’t seem to get it quite right.
19. When I was little, we went camping in Ockinikon (Pine Barrens) after Thanksgiving. Those are some of the happiest memories of my life.
20. When I got my first F, I blamed someone else. I shouldn’t have.
21. I finally switched to contacts in July 2007 after 18 years of wearing glasses. But only because I was sick of being made fun of or stereotyped.
22. Anytime I ever saw a therapist, they always tried to link everything to my childhood. And then they don’t seem to believe me when I tell them I had a wonderful childhood.
23. I have only been sent flowers by one person. And that was on my 27th birthday, from someone I'd only known for 4 days.
24. I would love to just pick up and move somewhere, anywhere. Montana, Holland, Egypt, etc. So many other people have seem to have done that. Why can’t I?
25. I can stand pain, heartache, disappointment and turmoil. The one feeling I hate more than anything is being out of control. That includes being lost, being unemployed, having my fate in someone else’s hands, etc. The fear that those things instill in me is unbearable sometimes.
And 25 more. Because I guess I have a lot to say
1) January 2008 was one of the best months of my life - I had a great vacation with my parents and I got into my Doctorate program. January 2009 was one of the worst months of my life.
2) Sometimes I wish I was in an Errol Flynn film, as real life, not as an actress. Swashbucklers are hot.
3) I think guys with long/longish nails are disgusting. And I think any man who gets a manicure is prissy. I don’t even get manicures.
4) I have only been told I was beautiful by one person in my entire life.
5) I am apparently the black sheep in my family, but not because of lack of effort from me. Apparently much more goes on that I know about. But I hope they all know that I care.
6) The nicest thing anyone ever said to me was that I have a huge capacity to love and when I love, I love completely and all the way. My mother said that to me and it honestly was the kindest thing I have ever heard.
7) And it’s true. When it comes to friends, family and significant others- I will aggravate and drive you crazy more than you can believe. But I will also love you more than you can imagine.
8) Screaming children are like nails on a chalkboard for me. But I can’t tell if it’s the noise or the lack of consideration/good parenting from the adults that really gets to me.
9) I growl at people on the street that try to approach me for money/fundraising efforts/petition signings, etc. Just let me friggin walk. If I cared about your cause you’d know it already. But I give you props for supporting what you believe in.
10) I remember in 11th grade computer class having someone tell me that having kids was my purpose for being and my obligation as a citizen of this planet. It was long before that incidence that I’d decided never to procreate and that was just the icing on the cake. That Octo-Mom lady makes me want to barf.
11) I think the idea of an expensive wedding is disgusting. The best wedding I ever went to was in a field with a cabin and Sam Adams. (Tanya and Lisa’s) And it was not pricey. I’ve been to weddings that cost probably 90K and had just a mediocre time. Fog machines and light shows don’t represent love to me. And who the hell needs 10 bridesmaids. I don’t even know 10 people.
12) I have chronic insomnia and frequent nightmares. Not a good combination.
13) I haven’t dated a guy under 30 since I was 18. And I won’t. Except now that I’m approaching my late 20s maybe I need to bump the number up to 40. Or 50 :) :)
14) I am absolutely terrified of flying and yet I seek out jobs and vacations that would require me to board an airplane as often as possible.
15) I won’t date a guy who plays the guitar
16) I can name 5 places that I consider to be the most beautiful places on earth- Eileen Donan castle in Scotland, Trondheim Norway, San Gimignano Italy, Box UK (yes, it’s a town called Box), and Nice France.
17) I'm starting to call New York City home. I've been here over 4 years and when I just got back from North Dakota for Christmas, I, for the first time, said "I'm home".
18) To say ignorance is bliss is such a fallacy. Look into your heart and see what's in front of your face. You can't make a mistake in realizing it and acting on it. Some people can be so goddamn dumb. It's not a failure to say you've given up, either, my precious
19) I can’t handle people who won’t let go of the past, who want you to be someone else or who won’t accept you for who you are. I think one of the basic tenants of human contact and relations is compromise and people who aren't willing or able to do that confuse me.
20) My grandmother was the most beautiful person on this earth.
21) I think I’m more religious than I let on, but I am horrifically uncomfortable in church.
22) I am so proud of my father.
23) The idea of prison terrifies me. I am addicted to watching those LockUp shows on MSNBC and cannot think of anything more horrible.
24) There are 5 apologies that I gravely need to give. I hope you know if you're connected one of them that I am sorry. And if you feel you need an apology for something, I hope you tell me because I never want to hurt someone.
25) And there is one person that I need an apology from, but I will never get it. And I don’t care.
ps and maybe there is a 26th: there is one person I need to say sorry to. Who will never hear it.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Health Care
Ok this is just a short blog to chronicle my disgust
How ridiculous is it that I have to 'shop around' for a doctor that will perform a biopsy? (if you want to know more, email me, but this isn't the right venue to describe it)
I currently do not have health insurance and have had to call around to no less than 79 doctors/clinics in NYC to find someone who will perform this at a price I can afford.
And in the end I still can't afford it because they won't release me without someone to pick me up and take me home.. which will cost another $40 in the taxi, and I don't know anyone with a car who is willing to pick me up.
this sucks, lambs.
How ridiculous is it that I have to 'shop around' for a doctor that will perform a biopsy? (if you want to know more, email me, but this isn't the right venue to describe it)
I currently do not have health insurance and have had to call around to no less than 79 doctors/clinics in NYC to find someone who will perform this at a price I can afford.
And in the end I still can't afford it because they won't release me without someone to pick me up and take me home.. which will cost another $40 in the taxi, and I don't know anyone with a car who is willing to pick me up.
this sucks, lambs.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Four Christmases
It's not just a movie, it's Sarah's life. Actually I'll call it 6 Christmases....
Christmas 2008: I was fired. Oh excuse me, terminated. Terminated is such a worse word than fired, because it makes one think of being killed. It's like "Congrats Sarah, you are being executed. Holla. Do you prefer the noose, the chair or the firing squad? Or our all popular concrete shoes alternative?" Just say I'm fired. Then it sounds like I've been put in a kiln and I'm a lovely vase. Or I'm a s'more and roasted over a fire. Nom nom.
So this is the jist- Stupid dean (I say stupid because my parents read this blog and my word for him is a word they don't think I know), never gave me proper instruction on his teaching assistantship that he had for me. I was, apparently, supposed to get him published but didn't know my exact duties as I am not an advertising executive nor a publicist. So after months of asking what to do and receiving no answer, I asked to be reassigned. After not receiving an answer about that, I kept writing and writing and asking what my new duties were, either with him or with my reassigned boss. Heard nothing. Until tonight. 9 f*cking days before Christmas, saying that I had not completed my duties and was being terminated. Uhhhh what duties, Einstein. I asked you a million times to give me an assignment. Either way, I got a good case of which I am sure I am 98% in the right. I'm seeing the human resources people on Friday, so we'll see. The only thing I'm scared about is my tuition remission disappearing.... Oh and the whole thing about not having any money and being homeless.... ugh.
Christmas 2007: My now ex-boyfriend (aka Scalini), in so many words set me up for a crime he committed and I was arrested on December 18, 2007. Wow that was like almost a year ago. He is a lawyer himself and ex-step brother for the DA. So I was carted off, spent $7000 on a lawyer and held in what they call "The Tombs" in lower Manhattan. Holy crap. The Tombs. And it is exactly that. The prison guards not only treat you like crap, but I was kicked, pushed and spat on in a holding cell with 20 other women, most of which were strung out on some narcotic and with no working bathroom. We weren't fed and despite the promise that I'd be out of there within 12 hours it was more like 24. So I went to arraignment and yadda yadda I got out on my own recognizance because the judge realized it was such a BS case. So then I had to spend the next day sending back all his stupid holiday presents before escaping to North Dakota for R&R.
Christmas 2006: I had a job I loved at a place called Seedco and I was really good at my job. But unfortunately they downsized and I was laid off on December 22nd. Merry f-in Christmas Sarah. And sure my Mom and sister came to the city for the holiday, but I was so stressed out I could barely enjoy it, because I couldn't afford it!
Christmas 2005: My first Christmas in NYC. I didn't know anyone and was completely lonely and couldn't see my parents as they'd just moved. Luckily I saw my sisters but it just wasn't the ideal situation. I want Christmas with my whole family again, sisters, nephews, etc and going away somewhere warm!
Christmas 2004: I was in the UK, and despite a kind friend inviting me to spend it with her and her family in East Grinstead outside of London, I always kinda felt that I was imposing. It killed me that I didn't have Christmas with my family that year, especially since it would've been the last Christmas in my old house in Collingswood.
Christmas 2003: The best Christmas I can remember. We went to Baja Principe, Mexico and had a glorious time! Tanya and Lisa got engaged, I spent most of my time with 3 non-English speaking Italian guys and it was just a beautiful, relaxing vacation, especially because I hated my job and had the most horrific flu 3 weeks before.
Now several people have told me that to be around Sarah means to know what the word "drama" means. Well I can't really argue with that. But despite all this drama, I think I've done quite well with what I've been dealt. And sure, people create their own drama sometimes, but it's not just because some people try to look for drama. Sometimes it's just because we don't know what to do and make the wrong decisions. Because things map out because of bad choices. My glorious dad made a lovely statement earlier: "You've pursued things higher and higher. And sometimes the higher you go, the rougher the road gets". Thanks Dad :) I think that's quite true. Just because we're supposed to be older and wiser doesn't mean our decisions get wiser. It just means we can offer stupid advice to people 5 years younger than us regarding parents and friends and boyfriends. But we can make the same wrong choices at the age of 15 and the age of 55. And I guarantee you, I will be.
But hell, it creates interesting blogs right? You can all thank me later. After you include cheques in your Christmas cards.... xx
Christmas 2008: I was fired. Oh excuse me, terminated. Terminated is such a worse word than fired, because it makes one think of being killed. It's like "Congrats Sarah, you are being executed. Holla. Do you prefer the noose, the chair or the firing squad? Or our all popular concrete shoes alternative?" Just say I'm fired. Then it sounds like I've been put in a kiln and I'm a lovely vase. Or I'm a s'more and roasted over a fire. Nom nom.
So this is the jist- Stupid dean (I say stupid because my parents read this blog and my word for him is a word they don't think I know), never gave me proper instruction on his teaching assistantship that he had for me. I was, apparently, supposed to get him published but didn't know my exact duties as I am not an advertising executive nor a publicist. So after months of asking what to do and receiving no answer, I asked to be reassigned. After not receiving an answer about that, I kept writing and writing and asking what my new duties were, either with him or with my reassigned boss. Heard nothing. Until tonight. 9 f*cking days before Christmas, saying that I had not completed my duties and was being terminated. Uhhhh what duties, Einstein. I asked you a million times to give me an assignment. Either way, I got a good case of which I am sure I am 98% in the right. I'm seeing the human resources people on Friday, so we'll see. The only thing I'm scared about is my tuition remission disappearing.... Oh and the whole thing about not having any money and being homeless.... ugh.
Christmas 2007: My now ex-boyfriend (aka Scalini), in so many words set me up for a crime he committed and I was arrested on December 18, 2007. Wow that was like almost a year ago. He is a lawyer himself and ex-step brother for the DA. So I was carted off, spent $7000 on a lawyer and held in what they call "The Tombs" in lower Manhattan. Holy crap. The Tombs. And it is exactly that. The prison guards not only treat you like crap, but I was kicked, pushed and spat on in a holding cell with 20 other women, most of which were strung out on some narcotic and with no working bathroom. We weren't fed and despite the promise that I'd be out of there within 12 hours it was more like 24. So I went to arraignment and yadda yadda I got out on my own recognizance because the judge realized it was such a BS case. So then I had to spend the next day sending back all his stupid holiday presents before escaping to North Dakota for R&R.
Christmas 2006: I had a job I loved at a place called Seedco and I was really good at my job. But unfortunately they downsized and I was laid off on December 22nd. Merry f-in Christmas Sarah. And sure my Mom and sister came to the city for the holiday, but I was so stressed out I could barely enjoy it, because I couldn't afford it!
Christmas 2005: My first Christmas in NYC. I didn't know anyone and was completely lonely and couldn't see my parents as they'd just moved. Luckily I saw my sisters but it just wasn't the ideal situation. I want Christmas with my whole family again, sisters, nephews, etc and going away somewhere warm!
Christmas 2004: I was in the UK, and despite a kind friend inviting me to spend it with her and her family in East Grinstead outside of London, I always kinda felt that I was imposing. It killed me that I didn't have Christmas with my family that year, especially since it would've been the last Christmas in my old house in Collingswood.
Christmas 2003: The best Christmas I can remember. We went to Baja Principe, Mexico and had a glorious time! Tanya and Lisa got engaged, I spent most of my time with 3 non-English speaking Italian guys and it was just a beautiful, relaxing vacation, especially because I hated my job and had the most horrific flu 3 weeks before.
Now several people have told me that to be around Sarah means to know what the word "drama" means. Well I can't really argue with that. But despite all this drama, I think I've done quite well with what I've been dealt. And sure, people create their own drama sometimes, but it's not just because some people try to look for drama. Sometimes it's just because we don't know what to do and make the wrong decisions. Because things map out because of bad choices. My glorious dad made a lovely statement earlier: "You've pursued things higher and higher. And sometimes the higher you go, the rougher the road gets". Thanks Dad :) I think that's quite true. Just because we're supposed to be older and wiser doesn't mean our decisions get wiser. It just means we can offer stupid advice to people 5 years younger than us regarding parents and friends and boyfriends. But we can make the same wrong choices at the age of 15 and the age of 55. And I guarantee you, I will be.
But hell, it creates interesting blogs right? You can all thank me later. After you include cheques in your Christmas cards.... xx
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Escape
Don't worry lambs, I'm not losing it. (I know what you're thinking... "silly sarah, you've lost it already!"..) This is not a bad pessimistic post. It's one of those weird good pessimistic posts.... yes...
So while perusing one of my favoritest websites, Neatorama.com, I came across a posting about Tristan da Cunha. And I want to live there. This place sounds absolutely glorious.
Now I'm sure we have all, at one time (or many times) or another, thought about just picking up and leaving. Just packing all our things, or perhaps nothing at all and just getting out. Maybe telling no one, maybe telling everyone. Maybe leaving to continue our certain profession or dream or maybe leaving to start something completely new. Or maybe leaving and just seeing where the world, the tides and the winds will take us.
So Tristan da Cunha is a little island in the south Atlantic and inhabited by only 270 people. What would I do there? How would I even get there? They only get mail once a year when some random British liner passes by and there's only 1 telephone on the island. My mother would not be happy about that... There's no airport so I'm guessing I'd have to stow away on said British mail ship to get there... What would I do? I don't know.. perhaps become a fisherman. I've seen The Perfect Storm, Jaws and Castaway, I'm sure it can't be that difficult... Perhaps I could be the mayor or the sheriff. Small town like that, I bet it's like Mayberry and I've had my fair share of Andy Griffith Show viewings. Maybe just marry some random local? Well considering there's only 270 people on the island I'm sure there's some inbreeding and stuff goin on so that might not be so hott. .... icky.
So maybe that island is out. What else is there? I'd love to pack up and go to Norway. Travel around, rely on the kindness of strangers and a harmonica. Except the fact that travel in Europe is expensive, while Norweigans are some of the nicest people I've met, no one trusts Americans anymore and I don't own nor have the ability to play a harmonica.
I'd love to backpack around Thailand. Sleep in the mountains of Nepal. Explore the jungles of Cambodia and climb the Pyramids of Egypt. And then I realize that I hate bugs, camping, the heat and manual labor. Still, I'd like at least the option to do these things. I think about escaping to Antartica, to Washington state, to Northestern Canada... To Belgium and Australia, to Chile and to the Netherlands. To do what? I have no idea. Just to get out. Just to be somewhere else.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. A psychologist might say that I am feeling trapped in my current situation and I honestly can't argue with that. I'm trapped at Rutgers until I get a better offer, I'm trapped in New York until I can get the money and opportunity to move, etc etc etc.
I don't even want to analyze it because it just depresses me. Ok... so I lied, this is a bad pessimistic post. Bugger.
I mean it's not like everything is in the crapper. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, blah blah blah. I've got the end of the swine semester, a nice holiday, a trip to North Dakota and other crap to look forwards to. Right? Sure.
Now you all know that I love TS Eliot. His poems are some of the most insipiring and inquiring that I've ever encountered. Please read them sometime when you get the chance.
"So I ask of you now, am I really that bad?
I ask of you now, was I not worth it at all?
I ask this of you now because I really don't know
I ask this of you now because I can't read your mind.
I can't read your face,
I can't read your eyes and I can't hear your voice.
I ask this of you now because I really must know
I ask this of you now because I need to be told.
I can handle the truth and I can handle the lies.
But I do know the difference and I'll take both with a smile.
I ask this of you now because all I will ask of you,
Is to leave me with a smile."
That's not Eliot, that's me.
comments welcome.
x
So while perusing one of my favoritest websites, Neatorama.com, I came across a posting about Tristan da Cunha. And I want to live there. This place sounds absolutely glorious.
Now I'm sure we have all, at one time (or many times) or another, thought about just picking up and leaving. Just packing all our things, or perhaps nothing at all and just getting out. Maybe telling no one, maybe telling everyone. Maybe leaving to continue our certain profession or dream or maybe leaving to start something completely new. Or maybe leaving and just seeing where the world, the tides and the winds will take us.
So Tristan da Cunha is a little island in the south Atlantic and inhabited by only 270 people. What would I do there? How would I even get there? They only get mail once a year when some random British liner passes by and there's only 1 telephone on the island. My mother would not be happy about that... There's no airport so I'm guessing I'd have to stow away on said British mail ship to get there... What would I do? I don't know.. perhaps become a fisherman. I've seen The Perfect Storm, Jaws and Castaway, I'm sure it can't be that difficult... Perhaps I could be the mayor or the sheriff. Small town like that, I bet it's like Mayberry and I've had my fair share of Andy Griffith Show viewings. Maybe just marry some random local? Well considering there's only 270 people on the island I'm sure there's some inbreeding and stuff goin on so that might not be so hott. .... icky.
So maybe that island is out. What else is there? I'd love to pack up and go to Norway. Travel around, rely on the kindness of strangers and a harmonica. Except the fact that travel in Europe is expensive, while Norweigans are some of the nicest people I've met, no one trusts Americans anymore and I don't own nor have the ability to play a harmonica.
I'd love to backpack around Thailand. Sleep in the mountains of Nepal. Explore the jungles of Cambodia and climb the Pyramids of Egypt. And then I realize that I hate bugs, camping, the heat and manual labor. Still, I'd like at least the option to do these things. I think about escaping to Antartica, to Washington state, to Northestern Canada... To Belgium and Australia, to Chile and to the Netherlands. To do what? I have no idea. Just to get out. Just to be somewhere else.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. A psychologist might say that I am feeling trapped in my current situation and I honestly can't argue with that. I'm trapped at Rutgers until I get a better offer, I'm trapped in New York until I can get the money and opportunity to move, etc etc etc.
I don't even want to analyze it because it just depresses me. Ok... so I lied, this is a bad pessimistic post. Bugger.
I mean it's not like everything is in the crapper. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, blah blah blah. I've got the end of the swine semester, a nice holiday, a trip to North Dakota and other crap to look forwards to. Right? Sure.
Now you all know that I love TS Eliot. His poems are some of the most insipiring and inquiring that I've ever encountered. Please read them sometime when you get the chance.
"So I ask of you now, am I really that bad?
I ask of you now, was I not worth it at all?
I ask this of you now because I really don't know
I ask this of you now because I can't read your mind.
I can't read your face,
I can't read your eyes and I can't hear your voice.
I ask this of you now because I really must know
I ask this of you now because I need to be told.
I can handle the truth and I can handle the lies.
But I do know the difference and I'll take both with a smile.
I ask this of you now because all I will ask of you,
Is to leave me with a smile."
That's not Eliot, that's me.
comments welcome.
x
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Insomnia
Insomnia really sucks. What really sucks even more is that every one has not 2, not 3, but like 25 cents into what causes/extends/cures/solves/prevents it. It’s like with the hiccups. People recommend everything from peanut butter, olive oil, hanging upside down, holding your breath, etc. For my chronic insomnia recently, people have recommended:
1) Chamomile tea
2) Hot baths
3) Smelly candles
4) Dimming lights
5) Soft music
While all of that sounds like the recipe for a really hot date, none of it works in New York City. Here I have clanging heat pipes, sirens, screaming babies, stomping upstairs neighbors and an array of just random noises that I can’t place without driving myself crazy so I just try to ignore them. As a solution I have a white noise machine, a fan and industrial-strength earplugs. (think the kind the airline workers wear on the runway) Although none of that works when the kid next door slams his crib into the wall behind my bed and, thus, my poor skull.
My initial solution to the kiddy problem was to call 311 (NYC services), 911 (the definition of idiocy) and ACS (the people supposedly helping children in the city). However they either didn’t respond or responded 5 hours later and rang my doorbell which either kept me up or woke me up and was a complete backlash to my entire sleep problem. And it wasn’t so much the noise of these stupid neighbors that kept me up, but the fact that they were being inconsiderate. Hey looks like my parents passed something on to me..
So I did the NyQuil cure, the sleeping pill cure, the stay up an extra day and pass out from sheer exhaustion cure.. nothing worked... So now I’m doing the doctor cure. Cross your fingers for some good drugs for Sarah... But while sources for a cure are numerous, I’m wondering what exactly is causing my insomnia so I can prevent it from coming back.
So while searching verified and dignified sources (Wikipedia), I found that the common causes for insomnia are:
1) Psychoactive drugs or stimulants: Don’t do it. That stuff is nasty, seriously. I’m enough of a hypochondriac and far too high-strung without having to worry about seeing pink elephants ice skating.
2) Medications/herbs/caffeine/cocaine: ok.. why are these linked? I had a steak the other day that had basil in it. Isn’t that an herb? And while my mother would hate to know this... I do, once in awhile, have a lot of ... caffeine. I love coffee. Wow...
3) Ephedrine/Amphetamines/methylpenidate/MDMA/methanphetamine and modafinil: the fact that my Microsoft Word targeted all of those words for spell check probably proves that I have no idea what they are.
4) Hormone shifts: uhhh... I’m a female, aren’t I supposed to have these like 3 times an hour? (According to Cosmo and every male in history). Oh this also includes menopause. Oh boy I wish, that’d be awesome. Hey whatever, I’m not having kids...
5) Life problems: my goodness I need to go into further clarification for these
a) Fear: uhh fear of what? I have fear of lots of things: heights, spiders, life problems, being fired, being hired, standing up in a large crowd of people who are sitting, etc
b) Stress: Do you think I’m stressed? If you’re reading this I think you’ve answered my question
c) Emotional or mental tension: ok I think these are two different things. Emotional tension to me is exciting. It’s experiencing conflicting emotions and having to work through things. I like that. Mental tension is different. It’s facing reality and that to me is horribly frightening.
d) Work Problems: Ok I have these too. I hate my boss. My father told me to never use the word hate, so I will get out my thesaurus: I loathe, detest and abhor my boss. He just doesn’t treat anyone with any respect and treats people like they’re stupid. You see, when I make a mistake (and trust me, I make a lot of them), I’m more than willing to admit to it and make up for it. But if you’re going to call me stupid, don’t do so to my face. Do it after I leave your office. Yeah thanks... Jerk.
e) Financial Stress: oh yeah I have this too. I’m poor. And it’s the holidays. And I have to buy presents. That I cannot afford. I’m tempted to change my religion just for the month of December....
f) Unsatisfactory sex life: my mother reads my blog so I’m simply going to say.... what is sex? I don’t understand...
6) Mental disorders: such as bipolar disorder, clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, or obsessive compulsive disorder........... Yeah I think I got them all. Depends on the day.
7) Disturbances of the circadian rhythm such as shift work and jet lag: I only wish I had jet lag... I’d love to go somewhere 5 hours away... specifically London... Shift work? I think that’s what being a student is...
8) Estrogen: oh I get it. Wikipedia thinks I have insomnia because I’m a woman. Oh that’s nice. I guess I should go eat some chocolate and watch some Kevin Costner movie right now.
9) Brain lesions or traumatic brain injury: Does being a teenager count as having a brain injury? The years from 13-18 were quite traumatic, let me tell you.
10) A rare genetic condition can cause a prion-based, permanent and eventually fatal form of insomnia called fatal familial insomnia: Oh cool I can blame this all on my family? Awesome.. Let’s do that.
11) Parasomnia, including nightmares, sleepwalking or moving in response to events in my dreams: well I definitely have nightmares and I have been known to talk and kick in my sleep, but I’m not sure if it’s in response to a dream. Unlike Brian who I swear is running a marathon in his sleep sometimes. Whatever, I just kick him back
So I guess in the end I’ll never know what causes it. I went to my doctor and got some nice drugs, so we’ll see if those help. My only hope is that I can get through the end of this semester, still enjoy the holidays and do all of that with a smile on my face, or at least the ability to put a smile on someone else’s.
1) Chamomile tea
2) Hot baths
3) Smelly candles
4) Dimming lights
5) Soft music
While all of that sounds like the recipe for a really hot date, none of it works in New York City. Here I have clanging heat pipes, sirens, screaming babies, stomping upstairs neighbors and an array of just random noises that I can’t place without driving myself crazy so I just try to ignore them. As a solution I have a white noise machine, a fan and industrial-strength earplugs. (think the kind the airline workers wear on the runway) Although none of that works when the kid next door slams his crib into the wall behind my bed and, thus, my poor skull.
My initial solution to the kiddy problem was to call 311 (NYC services), 911 (the definition of idiocy) and ACS (the people supposedly helping children in the city). However they either didn’t respond or responded 5 hours later and rang my doorbell which either kept me up or woke me up and was a complete backlash to my entire sleep problem. And it wasn’t so much the noise of these stupid neighbors that kept me up, but the fact that they were being inconsiderate. Hey looks like my parents passed something on to me..
So I did the NyQuil cure, the sleeping pill cure, the stay up an extra day and pass out from sheer exhaustion cure.. nothing worked... So now I’m doing the doctor cure. Cross your fingers for some good drugs for Sarah... But while sources for a cure are numerous, I’m wondering what exactly is causing my insomnia so I can prevent it from coming back.
So while searching verified and dignified sources (Wikipedia), I found that the common causes for insomnia are:
1) Psychoactive drugs or stimulants: Don’t do it. That stuff is nasty, seriously. I’m enough of a hypochondriac and far too high-strung without having to worry about seeing pink elephants ice skating.
2) Medications/herbs/caffeine/cocaine: ok.. why are these linked? I had a steak the other day that had basil in it. Isn’t that an herb? And while my mother would hate to know this... I do, once in awhile, have a lot of ... caffeine. I love coffee. Wow...
3) Ephedrine/Amphetamines/methylpenidate/MDMA/methanphetamine and modafinil: the fact that my Microsoft Word targeted all of those words for spell check probably proves that I have no idea what they are.
4) Hormone shifts: uhhh... I’m a female, aren’t I supposed to have these like 3 times an hour? (According to Cosmo and every male in history). Oh this also includes menopause. Oh boy I wish, that’d be awesome. Hey whatever, I’m not having kids...
5) Life problems: my goodness I need to go into further clarification for these
a) Fear: uhh fear of what? I have fear of lots of things: heights, spiders, life problems, being fired, being hired, standing up in a large crowd of people who are sitting, etc
b) Stress: Do you think I’m stressed? If you’re reading this I think you’ve answered my question
c) Emotional or mental tension: ok I think these are two different things. Emotional tension to me is exciting. It’s experiencing conflicting emotions and having to work through things. I like that. Mental tension is different. It’s facing reality and that to me is horribly frightening.
d) Work Problems: Ok I have these too. I hate my boss. My father told me to never use the word hate, so I will get out my thesaurus: I loathe, detest and abhor my boss. He just doesn’t treat anyone with any respect and treats people like they’re stupid. You see, when I make a mistake (and trust me, I make a lot of them), I’m more than willing to admit to it and make up for it. But if you’re going to call me stupid, don’t do so to my face. Do it after I leave your office. Yeah thanks... Jerk.
e) Financial Stress: oh yeah I have this too. I’m poor. And it’s the holidays. And I have to buy presents. That I cannot afford. I’m tempted to change my religion just for the month of December....
f) Unsatisfactory sex life: my mother reads my blog so I’m simply going to say.... what is sex? I don’t understand...
6) Mental disorders: such as bipolar disorder, clinical depression, general anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, or obsessive compulsive disorder........... Yeah I think I got them all. Depends on the day.
7) Disturbances of the circadian rhythm such as shift work and jet lag: I only wish I had jet lag... I’d love to go somewhere 5 hours away... specifically London... Shift work? I think that’s what being a student is...
8) Estrogen: oh I get it. Wikipedia thinks I have insomnia because I’m a woman. Oh that’s nice. I guess I should go eat some chocolate and watch some Kevin Costner movie right now.
9) Brain lesions or traumatic brain injury: Does being a teenager count as having a brain injury? The years from 13-18 were quite traumatic, let me tell you.
10) A rare genetic condition can cause a prion-based, permanent and eventually fatal form of insomnia called fatal familial insomnia: Oh cool I can blame this all on my family? Awesome.. Let’s do that.
11) Parasomnia, including nightmares, sleepwalking or moving in response to events in my dreams: well I definitely have nightmares and I have been known to talk and kick in my sleep, but I’m not sure if it’s in response to a dream. Unlike Brian who I swear is running a marathon in his sleep sometimes. Whatever, I just kick him back
So I guess in the end I’ll never know what causes it. I went to my doctor and got some nice drugs, so we’ll see if those help. My only hope is that I can get through the end of this semester, still enjoy the holidays and do all of that with a smile on my face, or at least the ability to put a smile on someone else’s.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)