Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wake Up Call
I’ve blogged before about dreams I’ve had. I’ve had recurring dreams for years- same dialogues, same people, same locations etc. I’ve had more dreams I can count where I wake up and thank God that they didn’t really happen, because they seemed so incredibly real and horrible. And sometimes it takes me a few minutes after I wake up to realize if they really did happen or not.
I’ve never been one for nightmares or incredibly happy dreams; I just have weird ones. Ones with talking garbage disposals and having that cartoon Pluto dog as my pet while living on a tugboat… stuff like that.
I had an incredibly vivid dream last night. I was in my old workplace (the one where I hated my boss) but in my dream he was the Dean of my school and for some reason I was fetching him coffee and doing menial tasks.
While doing such tasks, I kept messing up. I kept forgetting about turning in assignments because I didn’t remember ever receiving them (another recurring dream of mine). I kept making excuses for not being at work/class because I was sick and having an entire room of other professors go “ohh the whole ‘doctor appointment’ ploy”, mocking me. I was handling giant trays of food and giant class cases of expensive knick-knacks and kept dropping everything. I was doing library research and couldn’t find the right books.
Then my dean/boss turned to me and said “You really need to get your life together”. Wow.
When I woke up I was so scared that this dream had actually happened. And even though it didn’t, I can’t tell you how much everything rang true. I do need to get my life together. Now I’m not as bad as some people or as worse off as others. But I’ve made some mistakes and taken a bad road lately. You could call it stress/depression/lack of confidence or a combination of any of these three often helped (aka hurt) by a glass of vino. I fishtailed a bit from things and I am now paying for my mistakes. Which is fine. I don’t like to run from my mistakes or responsibilities.
That dream really freaked me out. But I’m still glad I had it. It rang so true to me, more than any other dream I’ve had in awhile.
Good thing, because in the dream I had on Tuesday I was knocked up.
Phew!
I’ve never been one for nightmares or incredibly happy dreams; I just have weird ones. Ones with talking garbage disposals and having that cartoon Pluto dog as my pet while living on a tugboat… stuff like that.
I had an incredibly vivid dream last night. I was in my old workplace (the one where I hated my boss) but in my dream he was the Dean of my school and for some reason I was fetching him coffee and doing menial tasks.
While doing such tasks, I kept messing up. I kept forgetting about turning in assignments because I didn’t remember ever receiving them (another recurring dream of mine). I kept making excuses for not being at work/class because I was sick and having an entire room of other professors go “ohh the whole ‘doctor appointment’ ploy”, mocking me. I was handling giant trays of food and giant class cases of expensive knick-knacks and kept dropping everything. I was doing library research and couldn’t find the right books.
Then my dean/boss turned to me and said “You really need to get your life together”. Wow.
When I woke up I was so scared that this dream had actually happened. And even though it didn’t, I can’t tell you how much everything rang true. I do need to get my life together. Now I’m not as bad as some people or as worse off as others. But I’ve made some mistakes and taken a bad road lately. You could call it stress/depression/lack of confidence or a combination of any of these three often helped (aka hurt) by a glass of vino. I fishtailed a bit from things and I am now paying for my mistakes. Which is fine. I don’t like to run from my mistakes or responsibilities.
That dream really freaked me out. But I’m still glad I had it. It rang so true to me, more than any other dream I’ve had in awhile.
Good thing, because in the dream I had on Tuesday I was knocked up.
Phew!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Regrets
No I won’t be rich but I could be fulfilled
I shall have the grasp of a swirl of smoke, of a fleeting dream.
A glance in a mirror, my most constant in life
Of goodbyes and farewells, of passings and mishaps
Of missed times and missed ones
Of questions and pains
Of regrets and heartaches
Of perchances of fate
But hopes of a reason
Of doubts of a truth
But hopes of a chance
Of lost dreams and lost futures
Of the sound of a voice
But the lack of a noise
Things lost before they began
Of the images that circle a mind
But the tarnished one who lay before you
Of damaged goods and scattered dreams
Of imperfections and doubts
Yet simplicity
Of touches of life
Of natures of souls
Of words unspoken
And reveries unknown
Of reserves of nightmares
Tomorrows to be feared
I cannot see the stars from here
Of privilege and majestics
Perhaps I was just forgotten
“Surely you know what I mean”
I doubt I am alone here.
This song sounds so familiar
I am not surprised nor am I shocked
So let us turn away
From pasts and from longing
Melancholy has only reason in verse
Candles do not waver for a lie
Turn away from me
From pain and from struggle
The moon has eclipsed tonight
Of times long gone and times yet to come
A single bud in a vase
Of ease and of beauty
Of a love and a passing
No I shan’t ever be rich
But shall I be of use?
Then turn away
Turn away again
From the burden before you
Of the burden of love
Time will tell; time will tell its story
Shall I tell it to you?
Of disturbances and riots
The gallows may call
My countenance certainly of armor
Triumphant in strength
Of downfalls of truth
Of force and of just
Shall forgiveness be my virtue?
Shall absolution be my end?
Of the forlorn and the forboden
Of whims and of fancies
Of summer evenings and wintry days
Of future yet to be had
But moons eclipse and stars will die
Perhaps it was not worth it
Of a flicker of a dream
But the squander of a sigh.
I shall have the grasp of a swirl of smoke, of a fleeting dream.
A glance in a mirror, my most constant in life
Of goodbyes and farewells, of passings and mishaps
Of missed times and missed ones
Of questions and pains
Of regrets and heartaches
Of perchances of fate
But hopes of a reason
Of doubts of a truth
But hopes of a chance
Of lost dreams and lost futures
Of the sound of a voice
But the lack of a noise
Things lost before they began
Of the images that circle a mind
But the tarnished one who lay before you
Of damaged goods and scattered dreams
Of imperfections and doubts
Yet simplicity
Of touches of life
Of natures of souls
Of words unspoken
And reveries unknown
Of reserves of nightmares
Tomorrows to be feared
I cannot see the stars from here
Of privilege and majestics
Perhaps I was just forgotten
“Surely you know what I mean”
I doubt I am alone here.
This song sounds so familiar
I am not surprised nor am I shocked
So let us turn away
From pasts and from longing
Melancholy has only reason in verse
Candles do not waver for a lie
Turn away from me
From pain and from struggle
The moon has eclipsed tonight
Of times long gone and times yet to come
A single bud in a vase
Of ease and of beauty
Of a love and a passing
No I shan’t ever be rich
But shall I be of use?
Then turn away
Turn away again
From the burden before you
Of the burden of love
Time will tell; time will tell its story
Shall I tell it to you?
Of disturbances and riots
The gallows may call
My countenance certainly of armor
Triumphant in strength
Of downfalls of truth
Of force and of just
Shall forgiveness be my virtue?
Shall absolution be my end?
Of the forlorn and the forboden
Of whims and of fancies
Of summer evenings and wintry days
Of future yet to be had
But moons eclipse and stars will die
Perhaps it was not worth it
Of a flicker of a dream
But the squander of a sigh.
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