Escape

Don't worry lambs, I'm not losing it. (I know what you're thinking... "silly sarah, you've lost it already!"..) This is not a bad pessimistic post. It's one of those weird good pessimistic posts.... yes...

So while perusing one of my favoritest websites, Neatorama.com, I came across a posting about Tristan da Cunha. And I want to live there. This place sounds absolutely glorious.

Now I'm sure we have all, at one time (or many times) or another, thought about just picking up and leaving. Just packing all our things, or perhaps nothing at all and just getting out. Maybe telling no one, maybe telling everyone. Maybe leaving to continue our certain profession or dream or maybe leaving to start something completely new. Or maybe leaving and just seeing where the world, the tides and the winds will take us.

So Tristan da Cunha is a little island in the south Atlantic and inhabited by only 270 people. What would I do there? How would I even get there? They only get mail once a year when some random British liner passes by and there's only 1 telephone on the island. My mother would not be happy about that... There's no airport so I'm guessing I'd have to stow away on said British mail ship to get there... What would I do? I don't know.. perhaps become a fisherman. I've seen The Perfect Storm, Jaws and Castaway, I'm sure it can't be that difficult... Perhaps I could be the mayor or the sheriff. Small town like that, I bet it's like Mayberry and I've had my fair share of Andy Griffith Show viewings. Maybe just marry some random local? Well considering there's only 270 people on the island I'm sure there's some inbreeding and stuff goin on so that might not be so hott. .... icky.

So maybe that island is out. What else is there? I'd love to pack up and go to Norway. Travel around, rely on the kindness of strangers and a harmonica. Except the fact that travel in Europe is expensive, while Norweigans are some of the nicest people I've met, no one trusts Americans anymore and I don't own nor have the ability to play a harmonica.

I'd love to backpack around Thailand. Sleep in the mountains of Nepal. Explore the jungles of Cambodia and climb the Pyramids of Egypt. And then I realize that I hate bugs, camping, the heat and manual labor. Still, I'd like at least the option to do these things. I think about escaping to Antartica, to Washington state, to Northestern Canada... To Belgium and Australia, to Chile and to the Netherlands. To do what? I have no idea. Just to get out. Just to be somewhere else.

So what does this all mean? I don't know. A psychologist might say that I am feeling trapped in my current situation and I honestly can't argue with that. I'm trapped at Rutgers until I get a better offer, I'm trapped in New York until I can get the money and opportunity to move, etc etc etc.

I don't even want to analyze it because it just depresses me. Ok... so I lied, this is a bad pessimistic post. Bugger.

I mean it's not like everything is in the crapper. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat, blah blah blah. I've got the end of the swine semester, a nice holiday, a trip to North Dakota and other crap to look forwards to. Right? Sure.

Now you all know that I love TS Eliot. His poems are some of the most insipiring and inquiring that I've ever encountered. Please read them sometime when you get the chance.

"So I ask of you now, am I really that bad?
I ask of you now, was I not worth it at all?
I ask this of you now because I really don't know
I ask this of you now because I can't read your mind.
I can't read your face,
I can't read your eyes and I can't hear your voice.
I ask this of you now because I really must know
I ask this of you now because I need to be told.
I can handle the truth and I can handle the lies.
But I do know the difference and I'll take both with a smile.
I ask this of you now because all I will ask of you,
Is to leave me with a smile."

That's not Eliot, that's me.

comments welcome.
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