Complete.. complete randomness

Complete, complete randomness......Read on, moppets.

So some guy who lives down the hallway wears Stetson. I know because it stanks up the hall every evening. I really want to go down and ask him why he wears it. Stetson is the nastiest crap ever if you ask me and I think a good bottle of Hugo Boss is a much better investment than the flowers and chocolates you'd have to send a girl to get her to go out with you again after you wear Stetson (or, quite frankly, anything from the Coty family of fragrance).
Hugo Boss is good stuff. So is Paco Rabanne... And flowers and chocolates have never gotten me to go out with a guy again, especially when I didn't want to in the first place. A bit too cliche. Whatever happened to singing telegrams?

Stetson reminds me of the redneck Navy boy I went out with in DC. He had a boa constrictor. No that is not a metaphor. He actually had a live snake. My mom made me dump him because he was an enlisted man and she had married one and said you never go out with a guy in the armed forces who wasn't an officer. He was ok though. He took me to Sears and bought me socks. And drove a white pickup. But he also took me to Applebees and that was a deal breaker. (I don't do chain restaurants, after all the health department reports I've heard about)
So he wore Stetson and the bottle fell once and broke all over my favorite jeans. So I smelled like Stetson for the next six months, regardless of multiple washings. Nazty. I used to have to go to the petstore and watch him pick out the little meeces he was going to feed to his snake. Broke my heart. Poor things.

My other neighbor is a huge pothead. At least he's entertaining and doesn't get mad when I bang on his door at 3am and tell him to turn that damn Bob Marley down. Fuck. That shit has ruined all my future trips to Cancun.

So I'm watching NipTuck 2nd season right now, and Christian just found out that Matt is his biological son. oops, spoiler alert to anyone who hasn't seen it. Christ that's irresponsible. The kid is 16... Fuck what just happened. My DVD player just stopped working again. Christmas on a Cracker this is frustrating. Anyway, I think it's ridiculous if you don't know if you have a kid. One of my professors in grad school found out he had a 3 year old... Idiot. Don't people know about birth control? I may be a Republican but I'm a realist too. Geez.

So my mom's coming to visit in June and she suggests doing some cathartic ritual to get rid of any remnants of you-know-who. Really must come up with a better name for him.. Most of you know his name, but saying it, or actually even typing it makes me want to hurl. She wants to burn all photographs and notes and presents. I've done most of that already though. I'm keeping the earrings however, or at least pawning them.... At least the text messages have stopped for the evening. Poor mr. phone couldn't take it anymore. Not that it was all you-know-who's fault. Men are just frustrating in general. I'd give my left kidney to find a guy who can actually say what he means. And my liver too, cos that's probably fucked already. I was drinking wine while playing Mario Cart earlier. It rocked. I won. I was Yoshi. Of course I was playing against a 7 year old and probably got entirely too jubilant in beating him at the game. Christ I probably wrecked the poor guy's self esteem... oh don't call Child's Services, the kid wasn't drinking the wine.

Thank god tomorrow's Friday. This was the longest week of my life I think. I'm so glad it's a 3 day weekend too! Have many exciting plans. Well maybe I'm being presumptive. Ugh. I'm metaphorically cutting my kidney out as we speak. This is a question I'd like to ask several people right now, for several different reasons-- "What do you want?". Being led on is no fun, nor is being left in the dark. I'll give you on example, for your viewing pleasure. My mom, for instance, keeps bugging me about my future and what I'm doing with my life. Christ I don't even know, Mom. What are you doing with YOUR life? Yeah. Touche. fuck. But regardless, am going somewhat out of town for the weekend. We'll see. I'm quite optimistic, but I'm afraid perhaps I'm jumping the gun a bit here.... Seems to be going completely back and forth right now. So maybe I need to tone it down and actually listen to my head instead of my heart. The worst is when you give your heart and have the guy be like "oh wait, I thought you knew you were one of 10 chicks I'm screwin' right now". I don't play that game. We're friggin adults here. Say what you mean, from the get-go.

Perhaps I should take up both of Bridget Jones's resolutions.. Maybe not lose 20 pounds.. 10 should be ok. Maybe. You tell me. But with the other ones? I don't mind alcoholics, as long as they're not violent or have huge beer guts... :-p Don't mind workaholics because I admire a man with ambition. Commitment phobics? Depends if I want the commitment as well, and right now I don't. Peeping toms are out- yuck. Megalomaniacs? I don't even know what that means. Emotional fuckwits- oh I definitely need to get rid of them. In the past 3 months my emotions have been twisted in every way possible. It sucks to think one minute that you're cared about and the next minute that someone could really give a damn. Men really need to realize the effect their actions and words have on women. We misinterpret everything- you really need to be more clear here. Christ. And perverts, yes the world, and my life specifically, could do without them too.

We'll see.

I think this qualifies me as breaking my second resolution. What's with me and breaking stuff? I break resolutions, commandments, mr. phones, etc. Haven't broken a law, except if you count jaywalking or something. Oh and that whole drunk driving thing, except no one found out... (or got hurt. calm down)

I got caught in the damn snow earlier. I think I'm dying of dysentery now. Sorry Zeke.