Fidgeters

I was next to a fidgeter on the train this morning. I thought the trains were going to be empty because of the holiday, but of course Metropolitan Transit has its lovely delays. So the train was packed and I'm budged in between mother-of-6 and fidgeter.

He really got on my nerves. I'm sure I'm being completely petulant, but when it's 10 am and I haven't really slept and I know I have an hour at the gym to deal with, you're kinda gonna get to me.

So he's reading his Daily News, and then reaching for his Ipod. Oh and then he wants to see if his phone has a signal. And his hip itches him. And he needs to rummage around in his bag for his cheap-ass NYU Philosophy books. And oops are his spectacles in his jacket pocket? well, not in this one, maybe the other. Oh wait, not there, maybe they actually were in the first one.. And now he's uncomfortable. And then he glares at me like I'm taking up too much space when actually despite my gargantuan frame I'm only taking up one seat on the 1 train and he's taking up 1.5.... So oh goodness he thinks he has to write something down now. Fidget, fidget, looking for a pen. What does he have to write? "Need to buy cigarettes". Klassy my friend. Quite.
Now my elbow is out, challenging him. If he can play this game, for the love of god, so can I. I'm using all the strength in my arms, and getting quite a bicep and tricep exercise by fighting against him. All this time I'm holding my coffee, praying it doesn't spill all over anyone.

Mr. Fidgeter, you looked like the glasses-wearing nazi from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Regardless, you are not what set me off tonight. Mr. phone is completely ruined at this point. Seriously. Mr. phone looks like a cross between an Andy Warhol and a Jackson Pollock painting. Who cares.

UPDATE: I have replaced mr. phone with mr. phone II. His legal name is Sony Ericsson and he has a camera. Now during meetings I can secretly take pictures of people's shoes and send them to you all. Then we can meet and discuss my coworkers' choice in fashion. It will be fun. byob.